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Overcoming The Legacy Of Boarding School

Overcoming The Legacy Of Boarding School

In the recent Britbox production ‘The beast must die’ the protagonist, depicted by Jared Harris is the polished product of a public school education, is he beast or victim?  Is the success of such men and women attractive enough to mask 'the life of quiet desperation' that can hide beneath the surface.  Can a collectively manufactured  'outside image' make up for  an inner life abandoned, neglected and perjured; all in the name of Queen Country and family who were generous and self stinting enough to do this for their children.

What about those for whom boarding school did not provide the ticket to a happy life, blighted by unreasonable expectations, fantasy, addictions, relationship failure or poor self esteem.  The training of young children to be officers and administrators by three generations of veterans with PTSD is not a recipe for healthy mental and emotional development.

How Can Coaching Help With Overcoming The Legacy Of Boarding School 

 Going beyond cynicism and emotional disconnection.

The skills necessary to win in his world have their roots within a system of education that teaches young children to disconnect from their feeling life in order to survive, and to replace it with a shield of behaviours that include sentiment, attachment to ritual, charm, control and dominance.  Good preparation for the colonial missions for which junior officers were to be entrusted in the nineteenth century. Perhaps less suited to today’s world, where relationships demand more than just a role.

A high price.

The deep training and adaptation that takes place for children at Boarding school as young as 5 and up to late adolescence rarely does what it says on the bottle.  Whilst most parents hoped that a private boarding school education would set their children up for life socially and professionally, there are a lot of survivors out there for whom the experience was less than optimal.

Getting through to others.

As someone who spent years within the English boarding school system, I understand how difficult it can be to communicate in important relationships and how the roles, codes of behaviour, expectations and assumed understanding get in the way. 

Coaching and remapping the inner family.

Family systems therapy looks at the attribution of roles within the family and how unconscious loyalty to those roles can act as a break to our own.  My coaching will help you see that you have adapted in certain ways to get what you need at a certain cost and that you do have choices.

Healing the rift

Regardless of what you might have experienced in these settings, it is possible to learn to be a kinder more compassionate adult towards yourself and others.  Failing to thrive in these environments is not a reason for self-recrimination and the unfair dose of shame that goes with it.  There are grave shortcomings to this type of education and the expectations that go with it, which play out painfully in our relationships.  Call me and start rewriting your future.  

What Now?

If you book a sample session you will be able to decide if my coaching is a good match for you.  We can come to an agreement over what you want to achieve and get started.  I commit to using my skills, to help you become more aware of yourself in a new and different way.  Your gifts, qualities, values and abilities and strengths are your levers for progressive and durable change in your attitude towards yourself.  You decide the areas of your life that you would like to enhance and improve.

It is not my job to tell you what to think, believe or do.  It will be my responsibility to point out the inconsistencies that might be getting in the way and determine where you are sabotaging yourself or in a rut. Sometimes this is not comfortable.  I am not there to provide quick fixes, nor do I believe in the tyranny of positivity or spiritual bypassing. My role is to get you fully on board with yourself so that you can make the best of what your life is offering.

Generally speaking, the frequency of our sessions can be as much as once a week to start with, most clients find significant relief within a six to ten week period and then may choose to reduce the frequency of our sessions or terminate them, coming back for further sessions as wanted.

Fees by arrangement. I would not expect a young adult on minimum wage to pay the same as the VP of a Fortune 500 company.

Ready to get started?